Middle Fingers: Fake Punk

Is the modern jet-set flip-off a cheesy fashion accessory used by hopelessly decadent and attention-seeking stars desperate to appear more rebellious than their competition, or is it a true and honest expression of their inner genius? It must be the latter, surely.

Are million-selling bands that refer to themselves as "punks" flipping the bird just because it's part of their carefully-crafted corporate image, or are they truly gutter rebels who sleep on sidewalks, misfits who can't fit in? It MUST be the latter, SURELY. I mean, come on.

Next to each entry will be a number that represents the honesty of the middle finger in question: MFHL. I.e. the Middle Finger Honesty Level. Self-explanatory.

This list is part of an ongoing "Flipping The Bird" series. There will be many more.

Celebrities Flipping The Bird: Fake Punk

Billie Joe Armstrong (Green Day)

Strike a punky pose, get tattoos, stick the middle finger into the air...
... And then leave the gig, enter the 30-foot limousine, sleep in the 5-star hotel, fly with your private jet to your 5-million-dollar villa, and eat your lobster and drink your 1898 French wine.
A rebel.
On the rock scale of 1 to 100, beginning from Justin Bieber (1) to Jimi Hendrix (100), Billie is a 3. Practically Bieber's twin brother.

MFHL: 0

Billie Joe Armstrong, Fake 2

Watch him rebel in a $5,000 suit...
... as he rebels why playing a ballad for a TWILIGHT SAGA movie.

MFHL: 0

Billie Joe Armstrong, Fake 3

I'd end up in rehab too if I had to sing kindergarten-friendly pop songs while pretending to be Sid Vicious. That would confuse anyone. That would drive anyone to substance abuse.

MFHL: 0

Billie Joe Armstrong, Fake 4

Yeah, man, give those 11 year-olds their money's worth! Stick that finger high up in the air!
Well, OK, as high as you can muster. I know you're not that tall.

MFHL: 0

Billie Joe Armstrong, Fake 5?

Was this intended as a bird-flip?

Sticking the middle finger is a real challenge for some people. You have to let the third finger stretch out, while keeping the rest bent. A technique not everyone masters immediately, and certainly not at all times. This may have been a botched job.

MFHL: not applicable

Joel & Benji Madden (Good Charlotte)

Joel had to mask his face here. Because he put on too much make-up this time? No. That would not embarrass him.
Because he is ashamed to be part of a group that tries pathetically to exploit punk imagery in order to sell kiddie-pop tunes to people older than 9? Well, yeah, that too, but that's not the main reason.
The main reason he is hiding is because he doesn't want their parents to see him using a rude gesture. He wants to be a rebel so bad, but if his father sees him doing that both twins are due for a beating.
The stupid part is that his parents will recognize him anyway: he is standing next to his twin brother. Just put 2 and 2. AND they can tell it's him by the usual excessive eye-liner. (He keeps nicking it off Nicole Richie.)

MFHL: 0

Joel or Benji Madden, Fake 2

Is this the same grimace he does when he plays those pop ballads to an audience of 11 year-olds while wearing red punky hair and smelling nice of expensive perfume?

MFHL: 0

Jacoby Shaddix (Papa Roach)

When I see photos of Sid Vicious, I think of seedy pubs and street corners.
When I see Jacoby, I think of the 350 stylists he needs before he goes on stage. 
Metrosexual punk? Nothing would surprise me anymore.

MFHL: 0

Jacoby Shaddix, Fake 2

Is there a single inch of Jacoby's body that HASN'T been manicured, pedicured, hair-stylized, tattooed, pierced, eye-linered, gelled, nail-polished, shaved, or perfumed?
On a scale from Bananarama (1) to G.G. Allin (100), he is a 4. In other words, much more like an 80s Cyndi Lauper than Johnny Rotten.
What a punky rebel, I just wish he'd sell his villa and live as a punk squatter - whom he is clearly impersonating here.

MFHL: 0

Jacoby Shaddix, Fake 3

Always that goofy "dangerous" grimace.
But he has to do that, the poor guy. He has such a baby-face, and he smells of such nice, expensive fake-punk perfume, he simply needs to toughen up his image.
Or try to, anyway.

MFHL: 0

Jacoby Shaddix, Fake 4

He must spend hours in the bathroom - just before he leaves for his stylist appointment. That's the appointment that precedes his second and third stylist appointments.
After then it's on to the "Nu Metal Stage-Posing" Academy. He is a graduate, but now gives back to society by giving free classes to aspiring new bands how to become Beverly Hills rebels. Cheesy Grimacing 101 included.

MFHL: 0

James Newell Osterberg, Jr. (Iggy Pop)

An interesting character, and one of fairly few rock personalities who had the chance to age gracefully, i.e. with some measure of integrity.
But he sold out. The money was just too sweet.

MFHL: 0

James Newell Osterberg, Jr., Fake 2

This is an example of what I'm talking about. Yes, that's Billie Joe on the left.
These two dollar-hungry middle fingers stem from an event during which Iggy actually played a song with Green Day, thereby helping give those phony-baloney punky brewsters some much-needed "credibility".
The alluring call of the corporation was too much for Iggy to resist. He made his appearance, played with the Lilliputian pop band, and the check was in the mail.

MFHL: double 0

James Newell Osterberg, Jr., Fake 3

What's wrong, Iggy? Angry that you'd already spent that Green Day check?
No fear, put that finger back in your trousers. There are many more fake punksters lining up to use you in order to give themselves more believablity.
But keep in mind the following, Ig: the more apperances you make on kiddie awards shows with corporate-created bands the less those appearances will mean, until eventually even your most die-hard fan realizes that you're a phony too. And then Green Day won't be calling you anymore, because your punky "street-cred" will drop all the way down to their own level.

MFHL: 0 (just kidding, he wasn't angry at all, just posing, as usual)

James Newell Osterberg, Jr., Take 4

Back in the day when his middle fingers didn't seem so silly.
They still looked silly, but a little less. It's hard to lend meaning, purpose and respect to a finger imitating a penis.

MFHL: 1

Henry Rollins

Just look at that dumb empty stare. 
Nothing convinces me more of rebellion than a guy who works for the Discovery Channel, appears in big-budget Hollywood movies, cracks bad jokes on cheesy talk-shows (broadcast by corporate suits which Henry supposedly detests), and who walks on red carpets.
A real "punk", our legendary poseur Henry. The predictable transition from hard-edged punk-rocker to jet-set softie is complete. Which is where the desperate middle finger comes in.

MFHL: a big fat 0

Henry Rollins, Fake 2

This guy should get a Best Actor Oscar - every year. The way he fakes it, even decades after he'd ceased being a punk. Deserves my respect.
On one of his many quasi-stand-up "comic" appearances, which are just thinly disguised attempts to preach about politics, society, and religion. Who better to educate us on these complex topics than Henry?
So much wisdom to be had from a former punkster. He is so knowledgeable in the ways of the world. All those years spent in the gym, reading... about lifting weights... and lifting weights.

MFHL: in spite of the grimace, don't be fooled, it's 0

Henry Rollins, Fake 3

Oh-oh. It's that face he makes just before he wants to tell us something important about the planet we live on. Probably just wants to tell us who to vote for. Or how we can solve economic inequality. Or why hip-hop has more credibility than metal.
This guy should go into politics: his amazing ability to fake it, the attention-seeking personality, the handsome square-jawed Ken/Clark Kent looks (sort of like Mitt Romney), the love of money, the amazing ability to bullshit with a straight face, and the total understanding of how important faking one's image is in this superficial world.
I know he hasn't got a middle finger stretched out, but this IS a finger list (of sorts).

IFHL: 0

Lyrics from "The Girls Next Door" from punk-parody band Punky Brusters:

Welcome boys and to the rock and roll high school
Lesson #1 us where to put your tongue
Lesson #2 is what you do with your tool
And watch the fringe benefits come second to none!

Graduates from the old rock and roll high school
Pretend they're still rebellious with a video pose
The uneducated spew some lame political view
And the punks will look like hunks in their endorsement clothes!

So hey, let's rock, and put out a little corporate schlock!
To play, just get the call, then keep your eye on the friggin' ball
'Cause that's all... that's all!

Listen boys and girls to the rock and roll motto
It's fun to spend your money, just take it from me
And don't cry "foul" for us admitting this cash cow
The "revolution" is a capitalist industry!
So, hey, let's rock, and talk a little corporate talk!
I say, you'll never fall, when your face is pressed against the wall!

If what it takes to rock, is to suck a little corporate cock
Well, hey everybody, we'll be the girls next door!
If what it takes to score, is to be a corporate whore
We're already there!

(Mid section) Come on out to the Bruster spend-a-long
Buy a T-shirt and it'll make you feel like you're part of an elite clique
While directly paying for our advertising!

Hey hey! We passed, now everyone can kiss our ass!!!
And we'll appeal to a need
Where one never used to be

'Cause what it takes to rock is to suck some corporate cock
So, hey everybody, we'll be the girls next door!
And what it takes to score, is to be a corporate whore
So, hey Borivoj, we'll be the girls next door!
So, hey Monte Conner, we'll be the girls next door!
So, hey Pepsi-Cola, we'll be the girls next door!
So, hey Cliff Cultreri, we'll be the girls next door!!!

http://vjetropev.blogspot.rs/2013/06/middle-fingers-pop-sluts.html

http://morepoliticalrants.blogspot.rs/2013/11/noam-chomsky-professional-liar.html

https://rateyourmusic.com/list/Qwerty100/jerks_in_metal/

Middle Fingers: Pop Sluts

We see them all the time. Celebrities raising their middle fingers, trying so hard to look tough, anti-Establishment, rebellious, sell their albums, whatever.  
 
So, is the modern jet-set flip-off a cheesy fashion accessory used by hopelessly decadent and attention-seeking stars desperate to appear more rebellious than their competition, or is it a true and honest expression of their inner genius? It must be the latter, surely.
 
Next to each entry will be a number that represents the honesty of the middle finger in question: MFHL. I.e. the Middle Finger Honesty Level. Self-explanatory.
This list is part of an ongoing "Flipping The Bird" series. 

Celebrities Flipping The Bird: Pop Sluts 

 

Miley Cyrus

Look, Pa, I can do that casual lean-the-hand-on-a-piece-of-furniture bird-flip you showed me when I was just 3 years old!

We should all learn to rear our young the way Billy Ray had done. If we all instill the same values into our kids that Miley received, we should all prosper as a race. No more wars, no more pop-culture trash and no more white trash.

MFHL: 1

 

Miley Cyrus, Take 2

Perhaps I'm wrong, but I believe that annoyed smirk on her face is fake. That paparazzo camera is practically on her back, and yet she's barely reacting. I think she's enjoying the attention, sucking it all in, but she'd been well trained by the Dark One, Darth Billy Ray (the Sith Lord of little girls geared as cash-cows), to feign "star-annoyance" at all times whenever being followed around by the paparazzi.

You see, showing openly that you're enjoying being stalked makes you look TOO starved for attention, hence weak in a sense. By faking annoyance you're being more "hip" and are showing strength: "I've got enough attention and success as it is, I don't need this little man making photos of me, he is a mere insect in a much larger world which I inhabit".

Yes, I know it's idiotic, but that's the way show-biz works. It's a very bizarre and idiotic world.

MFHL: 0

Miley Cyrus, Take 3

Looking beautiful, as always.

I especially enjoy women’s fingers when they have short nails, tinged with bird-dropping nail-polish. Tasteful.

I know, I know. She's doing it on purpose. Tooth-gapped Madonna had introduced the skank-look as a fashion objective a long time ago. Miley is simply going down that road – the only road she knows, the poor dumb bitch.

MFHL: 0

Beyoncé Knowles

Hey, weren't you supposed to be a lady?

Evidently not. Ladies don't exist anymore, it's not fashionable to be lady-like. They've all become whores - and proud of it.

But why be surprised? She married Jay-Z, a class-act himself.

MFHL: 0 (she made sure she sat in the make-up chair for three hours before finally stretching the middle finger in front of the bored film-crew)

Beyoncé Knowles, Take 2

How DARE they film me and my (main) man pimp Jay-Z in a parking lot... Here's a middle finger, right in their face. That'll teach them to mess with us ghetto pop stars.

And it'll sell us a few more albums. The kids eat up that phony rebellion shit like Cheerios.

MFHL: 3 (the "anger" is 80% faked, 10% semi-honest, and the other 10% God-knows-what)

Adele

“I’m sorry if I offended anyone, but it was the suits that offended me,” this "artist" said after she'd flipped someone off - on stage - for daring to cut her off during one of her overlong, learned-by-heart, dishonest acceptance speeches.
Actually, Adele, it's the suits that gave you a career. Corporate suits. You know, those greedy men who guide your useless fucking career. Come on, you know, those record-company yuppies who make sure you get as rich as possible real quick but then dump you as soon as your record sales start ebbing off.
 
This occurrence was wonderful, because so educational. She was all sweetness and smiles, while delivering her dull speech, full of kind words and phony "love" - up until the moment she was cut off and turned into a beast i.e. when she revealed her TRUE nature. That's how many celebs are: phonies playing a role in order to raise cash their bank accounts. Don't believe the ha-ha-ha-hype.
But why wonder? She grew up worshiping Madonna, like all the other younger cunts on this list, so it's only normal that Adele should turn into a class-less lady-un-like cretin.
 
That's quite a long finger for a chubby gal.

MFHL: 9

Mathangi "Maya" Arulpragasam

Better known by the retarded name of "M.I.A.". 

Yet another Super Bowl "scandal", totally orchestrated, planned.
But of course, everyone - starting from the TV executives to MIA's management - totally denied any involvement and decried the childish gesture, while secretly rubbing their hands in dollar bills. MIA is such an abysmal non-talent, and such an ugly skank, of course she needs a "scandal" such as this bird-flip piffle in order to not sink as yet another one-hit wonder. 

What a dumb Era this is. History will prove me right.

MFHL: 0

Alicia Moore

If there was an award ceremony for "Fakest And Most Unconvincing Pseudo-Rebellious Posing Based On A Carefully Worked-Out Career Strategy", Pink would sweep the night. It must have taken hours for this photo-shoot photo to be finally taken, so THAT'S how spontaneous she and her flip-offs are.
Every act of "aggression", every middle finger, every phony "punky" smirk, every ridiculous verbal "threat" she ever made: she is always 100% play-acting - and for over a decade. This kind of dedication to one's Great Big Lie deserves some kind of applause from us.
To make things even more embarrassing, i.e. cringe-worthy, the decision to be a "pop rebel" probably wasn't even hers. It was devised in some corporate meeting by a bunch of greedy guys in suits.

MFHL: 0.000000000000000000000000000

Alicia Moore, Take 2

How dare you takes photos of my brilliant child? Here, a finger with alternative-rock hence rebellious black nail-polish right in your face! That'll teach ya!!!

So immersed is Pink in her decade-long role-playing baloney corporate tough-chick image that she often forgets that middle fingers mean nothing in the real world, let alone have value as any kind of weapon or anything. All they do is display your own helplessness in a given situation.


Just look at that dumb kid: blood ain't water.

MFHL: 8

Alicia Moore, Take 3

Pink: You dare spy on me and my intelligent tattooed husband, is that it? Well, here's a fat middle finger for ya, see how you like THAT!
Paparazzo: Thanks! See ya.

Celebs are such fucking morons.

MFHL: 8

Alicia Moore, Take 4

One look at that facial expression, and I just wanna hire her to work for NASA. Those brain cells need to be used to their full potential. Failure to do so might result in bitter disappointment, coz women like this don't come around every year. 

Love the biceps, too, she reminds me of Rosie O'Donnell. Is she sure about wanting a husband?

MFHL: 0

Alicia Moore, Take 5

This neck-less wonder is the worst actress on this list. Is that a snarl, an OCD attempt to lick her own nose-piercing, or is it just another wealthy pop slut trying to be "one of the kids"? 

Any guy who fucks this thing MUST be gay.

MFHL: 000000000000000000000000000000000000

Avril Lavigne

Jesus, at least Pink looks like a tomboy, so when she raises her corporate, dollar-raising finger she at least looks (half) the part. But what about this skinny little frail girly?
Laughableeeeeee. 

Girl Power is a cretinous gimmick invented by an upper-management yuppie male from Sony or Electra. There is no power in being a girl, let alone a skank: there's only greed for money/fame and a lack of self-respect.

MFHL: 0

Avril Lavigne, Fake 2

So let me get this whole "girl power" thing right...
You go to a nightclub dressed like a hooker. You get drunk. You fall about the nightclub. You almost get into a fight with another girl-empowered power-maiden of your own age (who is also drunk and crawling on all fours). You spot a paparazzo and you flip him off. You leave the nightclub with a guy you just met. You have a one-night-stand with him and he gives you chlamydiae. The next morning you have a hangover, but you're already planning the next night out when you will get drunk, fall about, get into fights with girls and collect more VDs, etc.
 
So THAT'S girl-power...!

I finally get it.

MFHL: 0

Avril Lavigne, Fake 3

This must be that famous nightclub night when she finally learned to do a double flip-off and to smoke a cigarette at the same time (without falling over).
Such is the power of girl power. Multi-tasking brought to perfection. 

My God, just check out that absolutely retarded fucking mug of hers. Her parents must be proud: not many mongoloids end up becoming millionaires.

MFHL: double 0

Avril Lavigne, Fake 4 (& Kelly Osbourne, Fake 1)

Double girl-power! That I should have the privilege and honour to witness such a thing in my lifetime! Wooooowww.
And wwwwooooww: hobnobbing with the spoiled, silver-spoon-in-mouth daughter of a famous rock star! That just shoots your punk-chick street credibility right into the STRATOSPHERE. No-one will ever again doubt your place in rock history, right along Hendrix, Morrison, Johnny Rotten, and Cobain.
 
Only three questions remain: 1) who was teaching the flip-off to whom? 2) who got more drunk that night?   And 3) which one won the wrestling bout when they both finally started getting on each others nerves, just an hour later, and started kicking and pulling each others hair on the dance-floor of the nightclub?

MFHL: double 0

Avril Lavigne, Fake 5

A group flip-off with her male band-mates. She is roughly 8 times smaller than the smallest among them - and that pretty much sums up how ridiculous she looks when flipping the bird.

They look ridiculous too. And they must FEEL ridiculous too; years of practicing their instruments in their parents basements, dreaming of stardom, praise, and rock'n'roll glory - only to end up as THIS: a session musician for a silly little girl-power teenie-bopping pop-star retard. No amount of drugs or alcohol will ever wash away the mental pain, anguish, and scars. The endless embarrassment.

MFHL: 4 very convincing zeros

Avril Lavigne, Fake 6

Hee-hee! This is so much fuuuuuuuuuuun! I'm being a real punk-rock chick, whooooooooooooooo!

MFHL: 000000000000

Avril Lavigne, Fake 7

I AM a real punk girl! No, really!!! I AM!!!

Don't you believe me??? Look!!!... Two middle fingers! I'm so punk! Ppppplease believe me!!!...

MFHL: the usual double 0

Avril Lavigne, Fake 8

I cannot imagine how much harassment, degradation, and victimization she must have been subjected to at school to lash out at us like this. Poor thing.

MFHL: 0

Avril Lavigne, Fake 9

Yipppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-wheeeeeeee-whooooooooooo!!!
Wheeeeeeeeeee!
Wheeeeee!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

She's just bursting with energy.
Useless crap energy.

MFHL: 0

Avril Lavigne, Fake 10

Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

We must remain optimistic. Surely not all of her generation are like this...?

MFHL: 0

Avril Lavigne, Fake 11

Our girl-power pop-millionaire in a more pensive moment. Conditions in her head are finally normalizing to the point when thoughts are finally occurring again.
Alas, the result of these "thoughts" is the same as before: yet another boring middle finger. 21st-century Lavignian philosophy in action.

MFHL: 4

Avril Lavigne, Fake 12

Lavignian Philosophy 101:

Step 1: Erhm....
Step 2: Erhm... mmm... er...
Step 3: (15 minutes later) Errrr...
Step 4: Ehm... What shall I do...?
Step 5: Er...
Step 6: (33 minutes later) I know! I'll flip da bird!
Step 7: Whoooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
Step 8: (8 minutes later) Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

MFHL: 0

Avril Lavigne, Fake 13

Did her PR people think that printing this baloney in black-and-white would make her middle-fingering appear more artistic?

Wishful thinking.

MFHL: 0

Avril Lavigne, Fake 14

I rrrrooooooooooooooooocccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!

No, you don't. You pop.

MFHL: 0

Avril Lavigne, Fake 15

You wanna pop?!

I said, you wanna popppp???

Yeah, whoooooooo wheeeeeee, let's poppppp!!!

MFHL: 3

Avril Lavigne, Fake 16

Tee-hee-hee! This is soooo cooooooooooooooolllllll!!!
They are PAYING ATTENTION to meeeeee!!!
I am soooo impooortant!!!
MFHL: 0

Avril Lavigne, Fake 17

Avril, with an intellectual equal in her lap.

My teedd-ddddyyyyyyyyyyy! I'm so PUNKKKK it hurtssssss!!!

MFHL: 0

Avril Lavigne, Fake 18

In her deranged fantasy world (fueled by undeserved fame and exaggerated sycophancy and adulation) whenever she flips the bird she must be thinking she's Lara Croft, Sid Vicious, or Conan the Barbarian. The delusion is written all over her dumb fucking face. Or is it perhaps substance abuse?

MFHL: wheeeeeeeeeeee!!! hence 0

Lily Allen

Did you expect anything less than two middle fingers from this brilliant, intelligent, well-balanced woman?

MFHL: 0

Lily Allen, Fake 2

She is giving her hair-stylist the middle finger.

That'll teach ya not to get your hair done by a Muppet Show hairdresser.

MFHL: 0

Lily Allen, Fake 3 

If you ever wondered how this yobbo cretin ever got a pop career going, her father is a well-known British stand-up comedian. 

So I guess Lily must be the greatest joke of his life? And all he needed to get that laugh was unload his genetically flawed sperm into some dumb cunt's vagina, and then wait for it to grow into the infantile shithead it is now.

Lily Allen, Fake 3 

Surely, at some level even that walnut-sized brain of hers must know she's a famous pop singer just coz Daddy pulled his connections to get her signed.

Lily Allen, Fake 5

No girl-power girlie ever wants to be caught looking like a wasted, neglected middle-aged East-End housewife.

MFHL: 8, coz she's genuinely peeved, but too tired from injecting heroine all day

Lily Allen, Fake 6

Yet another ill-advised hairstyle choice causes her to point fingers. The Cleopatra look just isn't doing her any favours. 
Nor is wearing a see-through bra when you have small hanging tits.

MFHL: zero

Lily Allen, Fake 7

Yet another spoiled but insecure silver-spoon-fed girlie nepotist tries to hide her feelings of guilt behind a thin middle finger. 

But why the insecurity? Surely, she knows that even looking her worst she isn't nearly as ugly as Pink.

MFHL: 6

Lily Allen, Fake 8

When you feel your wig makes you look goofier than a Brazilian street-hooker tranny, my advice would be to take it off rather than hope no-one takes photos of you looking stupid.

MFHL: 4

Amy Winehouse

That middle finger has had more cocaine than Scarface's entire left nostril. 

Fucking hell, did I say earlier on that Pink was ugly? I take that back. Suddenly, no girlie - even a tomboy girlie - seems that ugly.

MFHL: I can't even guess

Amy Winehouse, Take 2

Amy and Kelly Osbourne. A meeting of the minds. 
That paparazzo was really sorry he dared interrupt such a momentous occasion.

MFHL: 0

Fergie

She's always stood for class. Keep up the good work, skank.

MFHL: 0

Fergie, Fake 2

Still dressing and behaving like a dumb 13 year-old, huh? This butch-faced hag is in her 30s.

But that goes with the territory when you're a pop-star: act like a child half the time, and then preach to adults whom to vote for the other half.

Nice biceps. You look so girly dressed as a little girly. You should try arm-wrestling with Pink to finally find out who's the manliest pop cunt.

MFHL: double 0

Nicki Minaj

Sorry to have to subject you to this common street hooker, but I wanted to show how similarly to prostitutes pop stars of today dress and behave (as if you already didn't know).

Oh, Sorry, Nicki! It's you! I didn't recognize you. I do apologize. That's quite a disguise you've got there. For a moment there I was almost gonna ask ya if you were down for a minaj-a-trois. 

I did say "almost". No whore is worth catching 5 VDs for.

MFHL: 0

Madonna Ciccone

Need I even comment this? Does anyone believe anything she does anymore?

MFHL: sub-zero

Madonna Ciccone, Great Fake 2

The boring double-flip, the black electric guitar she can barely strike 3 semi-chords on, the skulls on the guitar-strap that hold the guitar that she can barely strike semi-chords on, the black gloves she doesn't really need coz it's not at all cold on the stage - and all this while playing lame pop music.

Let it go, Madge. Just let it go, you dumb whore. You've hit 50, and then some. Have some dignity finally, frcrissakes. Even 5 year-olds don't buy this phony rebel shtick anymore.

MFHL: double 0

Madonna Ciccone, For Once Not A Fake 3

Oh, now you're angry?

But see, Madge, when you use flip-offs as a FASHION ACCESSORY, you set yourself up for failure when you actually need a bird-flip for real. Sort of like the boy who cried wolf.

No, not Madonna's boy. Her son cries "Mommy, stop that fucking singing!" rather than anything related to wolves or men.

Besides, how seriously can you expect your anger or your finger-"insult" to be taken with a hat like that? You look like a pensioner. Get real, Madge, you dumb slut.

MFHL: 10

Ke$ha Sebert

You record a crap pop song, you sing sh*t on it, you dress like a circus reject, you behave like a deranged pet, and you do a dance that's a mix between pseudo-sexy and epileptic. Yet in spite of all these deficiencies, you're also a rebellious chick full of this strange bullshit called "girl power". Did I get it right?

Grow some nails on those fingers. Be a real woman for a change.

MFHL: 0

Ke$ha Sebert, Fake 2

Ke$ha's pathetic middle-fingering even makes Avril Lavigne look like 50 Cent.

You heard that right, Ke-dollar-sign-sha: even dumb little Avril looks more convincing when she does it.

MFHL: double 0

Ke$ha Sebert, Fake 3

I'd fire her PR people, if I were her. They get a % of all her $, and this is all they can come up with to sell more records? Disguised as an Amazon lizard, raising two fingers in the air. What a fucking buffoon. A confused skank whore desperate for attention and an even fatter bank account.

MFHL: double 0

Ke$ha Sebert, Fake 4

She actually twittered this one herself. Album sales slipping a bit, Ke$ha?

First signs of desperation and panic are setting in. Pop careers are so unstable, so fleeting. No more dollars for you, pretty soon. And the middle fingers won't help ya either - coz every other dumb pop bitch is doing them!

MFHL: 0

Ke$ha Sebert, Fake 5

There she goes again. Yet another baloney photo-shoot. Yawn...

Doesn't she know that the more often she does it, the less it interests anyone? What Ke-dollars-sha doesn't know you can fill 10,000 football stadiums with. 

Btw, this dumb whore is in the business because her Daddy used to be a pop star back in the 70s. I forget his name... Just like we'll all forget hers.

MFHL: double 0

Lady Ga Ga

It's baffling that someone actually thought this corny gesture, made by a totally plastic pop product, possibly needed media coverage.

How desperate for attention can you get? It's not as if all the media aren't constantly reporting about her boring costume changes or pointless chewing-gum-pop hits. At a baseball game nobody gives a shit about her, so like a true attention-seeking infant she raises the middle finger. She said it was a response to paparazzi filming her. She lied. They film her all the time. (Poor fuckers.)

The fact that this banal tactic worked shows what an age we live in. She wins, we lose. 

Journalists should have their testicles fried for giving these bitches so much coverage. But corporate bribes are just too sweet for these semi-literate bastards.

MFHL: 0

Lady Ga Ga, Fake 2

The middle finger, the sun-glasses at night, the leather... It's all there. She'd studied her pop'n'roll cliches handbook in great detail, evidently.

MFHL: 0

Lady Ga Ga, Fake 3

It's interesting that none of these dumb celebs gave the finger to journalists and paparazzi BEFORE they became famous.

BEFORE they became famous, they were too busy brown-nosing for record-contracts and seeking the attention of the same paparazzi, begging them to take a few shots.

The undignified whore still has wounds on her knees.

MFHL: 0

Rihanna

You can fit 29 of those middle fingers into that ear-hoop.

The middle finger as an aid in hiding one's face. How much intelligence does one require to realize that one single finger can't possibly hide much of the face?
Try a book next time.

No, not to read, Rihanna. I would never suggest THAT.

MFHL: 3

Rihanna, Take 2

Let me guess: another annoying paparazzo, right?

So when a photographer stalks you for a few minutes that's a real crime, but when your boyfriend beats you up into a bloody mess that's OK?

Right. Got ya.

MFHL: 4

Rihanna, Take 3, and Chris Brown Take 1

Here's the retard who beat her up. The two of them seem to have so much in common though: those middle fingers, for example, plus the bad music, the baloney image, the uncompromising full-on hype-machine backing by MTV and other corrupt corporate institutions, and so much more.

MFHL: double 1

Rihanna, Take 4

You go, ghetto/samba girl!

MFHL: 0

Rihanna, Take 5

That very long nail sitting so quietly on her polished and manicured middle finger is almost as fake as her middle-finger posing.

But it's longer than her career will be. That much is certain.

MFHL: a very long, phony-baloney PR photo-shoot, image-shmimage big fat useless zero

Rihanna, Take 6

The softer their pop music, the harder they try to be "ghetto". Oh well, they're pathetic, what else is new.

MFHL: 0

Rihanna, Take 7

Hey, where was this ball-busting tough-chick attitude when Chris was thumping her?

Ts ts ts. Big on gestures, small on actions. That's how they breed them these days.

MFHL: double 0

Rihanna, Take 8

Hee-hee-hee, now I'm filming YOU! Tee-hee-hee! Such an original gag, almost as original as my by-now quite tiresome and lame middle-finger addiction!

MFHL: 0

Rihanna, Take 9

Yo yo yo, bitch, what have we got here??? Genuine emotions accompanying one of her double flip-off attacks?!

Crap, undone/unkempt hair, unpainted nails, no make-up... The clever paparazzo obviously caught her with her pants down, in a sense. And Rihanna is hating every minute of it.

What's wrong, dear? Afraid you might look UGLY without your 15 beauticians working on your face and body? 

Damn, she's ugly without make-up...

MFHL: a clean double 10

Rihanna, Fake 10

Now that's more like it. The fake Rihanna bird-flip, meaning that we're back to normal. The hair is done, the nails are done, the make-up is on: no reason to be angry anymore at the cameras. Back to business: ghetto posing.

MFHL: 0

Rihanna, Fake 11

Look, she's back together with Chris Brown!

"Look at my middle fiiin-geeeer! I can hardly wait to get home with my man and finally get some more of that amazing ass-whooping I enjoy so much! I am not a masochist, I merely loath myself!" 

Rihanna, I'd LOVE to smack you a few times myself. I promise it will hurt a lot and be extremely humiliating, just as you like it!

MFHL: 0

Rihanna, Take 12

Rihanna flipping the bird, accompanied by some random sycophantic hanger-on who probably does everything Rihanna does - and whatever she orders her to, as well.

MFHL: a double 0

Rihanna, Take 13

Slightly annoyed, this time around. The nails ARE done, yes, but the hair is still crap, needs more work done.

How dare you, papaNAZZI. Couldn't you wait until I'm all done and ready to strike a PROPER middle-finger salute?

MFHL: 4

Rihanna, Take 14

Look at that glazed stare. I don't think she is even aware she's flipping off somebody. She is on auto-pilot by now, just flips the bird whenever and wherever.

MFHL: -273 C

Rihanna, Take 15

What's she hiding this time?

Hmmmm.

Did Chris beat her up once more? Might she be afraid that cops might see the face-wounds and arrest him again? Might she be fearful that if the cops take him, Chris might not get the chance to beat her up any time soon?

I have always said that sado-maso relationships are the best there are. Nobody believes me. SM couples deserve to practice their sexual orientation freely, like any other sexual minority. It's a DISGRACE that Rihanna has to hide like this just because we do not understand or accept her sexual proclivities and unusual lifestyle choice.

MFHL: double 6

Rihanna, Take 16

And the sad part is: the kiddies are eating up this middle-finger business. They actually believe it, the sad naive little fucks. Rihanna's primitive tactic actually works. It works even for Avril and Pink. Little, clueless, naive, retarded 11 year-old girls all over the world honestly believe that these corporate-controlled MTV puppets are girl-power maidens: strong, independent, talented, rebellious, courageous, and unique.

Are we in a for some brilliant generations of future scientists, politicians, and engineers, or what!

MFHL: double 0

Rihanna, Take 17, and Katy Perry, Take 1

I'm starting to get used to Rihanna's cliched, cheesy penis imitation. Now I can't picture her without it.

Man, Katy, shame on you, the score is 17:1 right now in Rihanna's favour. You'd better step it up, girl, she's creamin' ya!

Look how quickly Katy joined in. The moment she spots a paparazzo camera, she comes in rushing, pushing her way into the frame. No amount of attention is too much for her. The poor dear will have such a tough time once her pitiful pop career peters out and everyone forgets her. It will be rehab time.

MFHL: a double 0

Katy Perry, Fake 2

Trying to look even goofier than you already are? Don't bother. Mission impossible.

I love the pseudo-punky attitude (coming from a pop star) mixed with the carefully, expensively manicured nails.

Self-awareness cannot be bought in supermarkets. And it can't be taught to retards.

MFHL: 0

Katy Perry, Fake 3

You go, girl! Show them what true girl power is - on the red carpet of a pop event of the annual MTV awards!

The average age of the MTV Awards viewership: 11 and a half.

MFHL: double 0

Katy Perry, Fake 4

Just as Katy was becoming sad, thinking she was all alone in her car, not being the center of attention, not having anyone watch her clown around in a stupid costume, not having anyone listen to her sing her shittly little pop songs, not have MTV give her an award for being a useless corporate product while masses of screaming tone-deaf kids cheer her on - suddenly a paparazzo shows up and saves the day, saving her from almost certain depression.

She feigns annoyance, as you can plainly see, but I think she could have KISSED that paparazzo for making her feel watched once again, and the center of someone's attention.

The day her popcorn career peters out will be the same day she checks into rehab.

MFHL: 0

Katy Perry, Fake 5

I faked rebellion and I liked it
The taste of a 1000-dollar-bill lick
I flipped the bird just to try it
I hope no-one sees I fake it
It felt so dumb
It felt so crap
Don't mean I have to like it
I flipped a bird like a dummie
I simply need the attention and money

MFHL: as honest as a song about non-existent lesbianism hence 0

Britney Spears

Did you actually think there could be a celebrity list without this white-trash cow? Not a chance in hell.

Fake nails, chubby arms swimming in milkshake, and dark glasses at night. It's Britney alright!

MFHL: 1 (she doesn't look drunk - yet)

Britney Spears, Take 2

I never understood how she never managed to get that finger-nail-chewing problem under control. Whores have such low discipline when it comes to their hygiene.

MFHL: 3

Britney Spears, Take 3

Britney must have realized that she had been neglecting her Canadian fans, so she flips them off too. She wouldn't want Canadians thinking that only her American fans get this rare privilege.

MFHL: who the hell knows

http://vjetropev.blogspot.com/2013/06/middle-fingers-fake-punk.html

Tired of all this chewing-gum pop bullshit? My Song of the Year list might help: 

http://vjetropev.blogspot.com/2013/08/song-of-year-1970-2012.html